Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
