What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
People in love make me want to vomit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
