I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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