Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
