Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
