On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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