i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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