Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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