Where did you get a picture of my penis
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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