what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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