Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
