My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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