you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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