i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
