We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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