I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
