This girl is more easily done than said...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
