1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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