I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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