Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
