I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
