3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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