please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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