Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
