Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
