So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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