I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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