Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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