This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
