I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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