She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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