I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
