So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
