Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
