Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
