Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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