I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
