that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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