Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
