i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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