We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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