How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
