she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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