I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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