I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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