So drunk its hurt
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
