He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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