They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
