peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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