Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
