And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
