He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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